I woke up the day after “Halloween and there was a note lying next to me instead of my partner: I am not alone. However, I feel lonely. Beside you.
She left that day and she was right. She did not let a person who had done very little for her – me – get fully involved in her life. As a result, she controlled a lot of her feelings and emotions
When I cleared my ego of the fact that I was that bad person, I had to thank her – for the hard and priceless experience. Without her I would never have started thinking how much pain I can cause to others and which mistakes I should not repeat because they hurt me as well.
When I spoke with her many years later, I asked how she had managed her loneliness. I thought that she had needed to stop loving me first. But she smiled: “Not at all. I had needed to learn living without you first”.
It looked easy at the beginning. After all, it is better to be on your own because there is no one who could hurt you. In fact, she admitted, the issue of loneliness is not just about being on your own but feeling that the person you care about is not interested in you anymore.
Why do we actually care about somebody who does not care about us?
Why do we worry about those who do not worry about us?
How do we actually think? How to learn to be alone?
The answers are simple. A life wants to teach us something important.
As I explain in my books, everything happens in life for a reason, and it is sometimes important to know that reason. Just as in this case.
Which three truths about people do we have to be aware of?
Truth no. 1: ONLY SOME people lift us higher
When I was a little kid, my mom used to say to me: “You will become the one you spend time with”.
I did not understand, until I noticed that the people and things surrounding me affect how I feel. I was in an environment which ground me down, I was miserable. I felt inferior and inadequate. I started thinking I am not good enough. But in fact, I just needed to improve my surroundings, and then my feelings changed too. I was suddenly important.
Therefore, keep in mind:
- Even if the entire world were full of people who want to grind us down, it is only us who decide how much we care about them.
- It does not matter if the person in question lifts us or grinds us down, gives us the energy or sucks it from us, supports us or criticizes – it is only us who has to decide, if we pay him or her attention. If we take personally someone else’s bad behaviour and let it bother us, it is our problem only, not his or hers.
- All of us are the average of the five closest people we pay most of our attention to. If we feel bad, we are in bad company. It does not mean that a particular person is bad. However, that person is bad for us.
Some time ago, a female reader asked me for help. She was distressed because her husband had left her. She did not understand how he could not see her positive qualities and could prefer “such a bitch”. Her husband had just changed the values or basis on which he had decided to live. And this female reader did not comprehend that her husband does not have to be a partner unsuitable for all women. He is just unsuitable for her. And vice versa.
So do not forget to choose relationships so that they help us and do not hurt us. Let us surround ourselves with people who respect the person we are; who are proud of us, admire us, love us and put in the effort to make our day and our life easier and more joyful. If the person in question is not like that, it is in our own interest to pay him or her less attention. Otherwise we will pay for it with our own deflated feelings.
And feelings are the basis of everything personal; the basis for thoughts and ideas which lead to the acts and results emerging from them. Thus one bad person can cause a life to be completely unsuccessful.
Yes, one element of success is about finding and distinguishing the right people.
Can you guess who is the most essential and right person?
Of course, we ourselves are…
Why do we feel bad even though we were left by somebody who treated us bad? Why do we want that bad person back?
Please, continue to the 2nd page.