You may think another of my Meetings is made up. You may think a story like that can’t be true. But it is. And I apologize in advance for the following questions. They may seem ridiculous but they tell a story:
Can somebody be in love with you, but intentionally do things that hurt you?
Can somebody be in love with you, when they ignore the things that get you down?
Can somebody be in love with you, when they don’t care what upsets you?
A female friend more than a girlfriend
“Good morning”, he wrote. Every morning, just after he just woke up.
“How has your day been?“, he wrote. Every afternoon, when sitting down to watch TV.
“Sweet dreams. Goodnight kiss”, he wrote. Every evening, before falling asleep.
A gentleman, you might say. However, there was a catch. In the bed where he was waking up and falling asleep, on the couch where he was sitting down – he wasn’t alone. There was a girlfriend beside him.
“A female friend” he answered, when she asked who he was writing to all the time. “Can’t I have female friends?“, he asked, defensively.
Of course he could.
He lived with one of them, after all. He just called her “his girlfriend” by mistake.
Really, words mean nothing
“I miss you.“ “Thinking of you.“ “I love you.“ This is how texts looked when his girlfriend saw them. She was rooted to the spot, but he always calmed her down. “They’re just words. Words mean nothing. You know I love you, don’t you?”, he passionately blurted out more words. Words which mean nothing.
“I love you“ isn’t shown in words, but in actions. Love isn’t what we say, but what we do.
“A female friend”, “a girlfriend” – for some men, even these are just words. Men’s actions show who’s just a friend and who’s a girlfriend – who they give their time, attention, energy and interest to; in short, who they build a relationship with. A female friend (even an ex-girlfriend) doesn’t rank above a girlfriend unless a man has mixed up his definitions, and his relationship means less to him than friendship.
Who actually is this “man”?
“He doesn’t see that he hurts me. I can’t sleep because of it. It’s making me ill.” He just says: “You need to see a psychiatrist because you freak out and there’s nothing going on between me and her!” The girl cites more of his words which, in reality, mean nothing.
As I wrote in my book 250 Laws of Love, if we build a relationship with somebody, we can’t ignore the things that upset them. Otherwise, we can never build a proper relationship. Even though the other person might seem crazy, we should remember that everyone’s different because of their past. And we all have a different pain threshold. What doesn’t hurt us, can hurt somebody else. What seems normal to us, can seriously injure another person. If we REALLY CARE for the other person, these misunderstandings should encourage us to talk, explain, calm down, and, ultimately, look for a solution.
It doesn’t matter what we have or don’t have with our friends, if we’re building a committed relationship. In any relationship, there’s no “my problem” or “your problem“. No “I’m perfect” or “you need to see a psychiatrist“; in a relationship, everything is shared – everything happens for a reason. She may have neglected something, so he started looking for friends; he might have neglected something, and that’s why he throws his ego around while he’s skating on thin ice.
Regardless, the most important thing is to TALK. A man would be a fool to stay in a relationship which he doesn’t see lasting. He would be wasting time – both his and his girlfriend’s time. Also, he’d be wasting his female friend’s time, who is evidently more important to him. However, these fools do sadly exist.
We can work out whether or not a man is a fool, based on the 3 following facts.
Please, continue to the 2nd page.