Can a love for someone be awakened? My acquaintance – a biochemist – has asked himself this question.
Biochemistry studies chemical reactions in living organisms. Being in love is also a chemical process. Therefore, my friend studied the specific chemical processes and hormones that generate the feeling of being in love. After this, he tried to produce them artificially.
He fell in love with his colleague – a biochemist. Perhaps you know this situation. Someone does everything for you. They are with you when you need them. They love you. They are almost ideal for you. However – you don’t feel in love.
My acquaintance tried to evoke the feeling of being in love in his colleague – using a trick. She fell in love.
The important fact is that love can be awakened in a person. However, can it be reawakened?
Can she step into the same river twice?
A reader of Improovio, who asked for a meeting in person, had discovered her husband’s affair. Naturally, she was hurt by this, but she was hurt even more by what he said: “I started to feel towards her what I never felt towards you.”
“He killed my love for him with this sentence,” she said.
Although her husband sorted himself out over time, apologised and has tried to save the relationship, she no longer loves him. “I don’t know what to do now. Should I wait to heal inside and for the love to reappear?”
The answer is simple: NO. You can’t step into the same river twice. For the second time, it is not the same person or the same river.
There are many kinds of love in the world but none of them exists twice. What dies does not come back to life. Love is not like Neymar, the Brazilian football player, who gets up after a seemingly deadly accident on the football field.
Love for a specific person only exists once. It only evolves. For a long time, it may seem that we will never fall out of love. We can even hate the other person. In reality, we still desire greater love from them at all these stages. If the partner comes back at this stage, there is a great chance of reconnecting and continuing stronger than before.
It usually ends with days when we would dearly love to turn back time. Not to change the past but to feel something again. To feel his embrace, his love, him as a person.
When you know that you have put everything into a relationship and it wasn’t enough, why do you think that 1) you’ll be able to put more in next time, and 2) that it will be enough? To put it in technical terms, isn’t the fault in the receptor rather than the transmitter of love?
However, love slowly dissipates. When it is not topped up, it will run out.
Love can be topped up in two ways: from the other person – we can than return (their) love, or from us – then we need to love ourselves. This is the key to this problem. If we love ourselves, Cactus syndrome will release us sooner or later.
What is Cactus syndrome?
When we love someone who does not return our love, it is like hugging a cactus. The harder we embrace them, the more pain we feel.
If we start loving ourselves (discover self-love), we realise why we feel so bad – because we are waiting for something that is not coming our way.
Many people who wait believe that love is about receiving. This is why they believe that it is important for the other person to receive and for them to receive too. However, love doesn’t have much in common with that which we receive. Instead, it is all about what we give.
If we give a new chance to someone, it is good. We need to give the wrong partner even two, three or four chances, because this will make us finally appreciate the right partner. A partner whose love comes without us having to wait for it.
Who is the right person?
As a young boy, I used to think that I needed to stay with my first love. Now I know that to stay with someone, they need to be my last, not my first love.
Therefore, never desire someone who needs to decide twice if they want you. This is not love, this is reason.
The actor Johnny Depp once said: “If you think you love two people, choose the one that came into your heart as the second. If you had truly loved the first person, you would have felt no need to let another person into your heart.”
What does one do when there is no other person? Is there a point in waiting for the second person to come back or for something to change in us?
Please, continue to the 2nd page.