Fourth realisation: Not everything in our life needs an explanation
Why? I mailed this question to nature, but today no one from its customer care department is responding.
I wanted to know why life works in waves. Why day is followed by night, why the tides change, birth and death, waking and falling asleep, fortune and misfortune. I think it is because we need it to be like this.
Startup entrepreneurs know this well. As soon as they start to be successful, they lose their humility. The more pompous they become, the more customers and employees they lose, and they take a hard fall. They don’t get up until they start again with some basic values, humility, patience, and lessons learned. Only then can they start to be successful again. And that’s the way it is – with the inexperienced – again and again. Thus, life teaches us to be patient if something isn’t working out for us, and humble if it is. It teaches us not to fly in the clouds if another person gives us wings, as when those wings are taken from us, we come crashing down hard.
Sometimes our life (partner) serves up some truly crazy things. They come out of nowhere. An inexplicable betrayal, a fling, something even our partner cannot explain. But let me tell you one thing: We don’t have to understand everything; it is enough to simply accept it.
I know that we feel the need to ask about everything. To understand every step. To understand all the contexts. But sometimes it is enough to just believe that it has some meaning to us. Although we might not see it at the time, we need to let the universe take us on its surprising little journeys. With time, we almost always understand why it was useful and right for us.
Everyone makes mistakes. That’s a fact. And everyone has to pay for their mistakes. That’s fact number 2. This is the only way one can learn.
Infidelity comes at a terrible cost for both parties. If we are the one who has been cheated on, then we have something to learn. Put it out of your head. Put it behind you. Don’t drag it into the future with you. This is not our business, our burden.
When we discover that someone has betrayed us, this is a burden we should simply place on the ground. We do that through forgiveness. Forgiveness is understanding that everyone makes mistakes. Forgiveness is not aimed at the person who betrayed us, but at ourselves. Forgiveness enables us to realise that it is impossible to find someone who will never disappoint or hurt us. Such a person would have to be perfect. Only someone perfect never makes mistakes. Expecting people to be perfect will only end in painful disappointment.
They made a mistake. So be it. That’s their business and their lesson to learn. They don’t have to explain it to us. An explanation won’t help anything. Only putting things right can help. Then it depends on our pain threshold as to whether we give the other person a chance or not. Some will not give that person a chance, as they know that giving someone a chance in love is like reloading their revolver after they missed the first time. Some will give the other person a chance, as they need to gain further experience from them. We keep repeating all our mistakes until we realise that we don’t have to repeat them.
Fifth realisation: We don’t have to hate the person who cheated on us
It is hypocritical to despise a person who makes mistakes. We all make mistakes. Likewise, hating someone for doing something bad to us does not help in any way. Whenever we communicate with another person, we move closer to understanding their story and desires. Understanding does not mean identifying. Understanding means respecting. And to either split up decently or stay together in a solid relationship.
Burning hate into our hearts means always carrying negativity inside us. Forgiving means cleansing the heart. Forgiving those who have hurt us and, even more, forgiving ourselves for letting it happen.
It always pays off to treat a person as though it were the last day we will see them. It is futile to regret when we will see that person again another day.
Damage can always be expected in relationships, as it is hard to influence someone else. Let’s learn to witness what they do, rather than judge them. Let’s understand their words and their actions even more. They are what they do.
Have they turned out not to be the right one? Fine, let’s thank them for the experience they have given us. Let’s not panic that the right one does not exist, or does exist but that we won’t be able to recognise them. When the right one comes along, we’ll be sure to recognise them. Simply by the fact that they make our life easier. Not more complicated.
© Petr Casanova