How will I get what I really want, if I have failed so many times?
Should I feel stupider or wiser after a failure? More fragile or more robust?Less or more motivated?
I focused on letting go of unnecessary worries, I had in my head a wonderful, ancient legend.
God created man and said:“I need to hide something from him, until he’s ready to understand it.”
A heavenly angel called out:“Give it to me, I’ll carry it to the moon.”
God objected:“No.Man will go there one day, he’ll find it.”
An angel of the sea spoke up:“I’ll put it at the bottom of the oceans.”
God again objected:“No.Man will get there too one day—into the depths of the seas and the planet itself.He’ll find it.”
An angel of the earth said:“Put it into the core of man.”
God rejoiced:“That’s it!He’ll only find it there when he’s really ready.”
“And what are you actually hiding?” asked the angels.
God smiled:“The awareness that he is the architect of his own reality.”
The Way of the Successful
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, the leader of the Indian movement for independence and a proponent of satyagraha (non-violent resistance), once said: “Every success consists of overcoming the self.To do what we fear is the first step to success.”
A lot of people think that their greatest competitor, whether it concerns how they live, a sport they practice, a business dream or learning a new language is somewhere outside.But our problem and its solution are always inside us.
Success is not only overcoming others, but primarily overcoming ourselves.Overcoming the doubting voice that tells us at every moment:“You can’t do it.You haven’t got what it takes.It’s too hard.”
Not believing in your own success is so easy.And even easier after failure.Gabrielle Chanel, nicknamed Coco, who experienced a childhood in an orphanage after being placed there by her father, said: “The most important thing is what we think after we fail.”
My fitness coach, whenever he places a heavier weight on the barbell, says: “It won’t be easy.If it were easy, anybody could lift it.”
The Magic Sentence
Mary Kay Ash was 45 years old when she handed in her notice to her employer, after she learned that a man she had trained earned a salary twice as much as hers, even though she had many more years of experience.“A woman can never have a higher income than a man,” her boss said of her complaint.She got mad, decided to start her own business and her company, Mary Kay, has been supporting her for over eighteen years now.
When they asked her where she got the courage from, she talked about giving birth to a child when she was 17.They told her she had ruined her life.When she gave birth for the second time, her husband told her he was going off to fight in the war.When he returned, instead of a warm embrace, he surprised her with the cold declaration:“I want a divorce.” She was 27 and everybody told her she couldn’t cope.
“I always remembered my mum, who worked as a restaurant manager.She once told a subordinate to do something and she responded with the words:‘I can’t do it.’ Mum smiled, and replied,‘But you can.’The subordinate thought about it, and then did it. BUT YOU CAN—that was the magic sentence that helped me take an additional step, even when I didn’t want to.One more attempt, one more call…That’s how my company rose from the ashes.”
How do you become the creator of a positive reality?
How should you think when you fail?
How can you be interested not only in the goal, but also in the point you are at now?
Regardless of whether you’re at the start of the path or you’re picking yourself up after tripping, the following seven questions will help you start out in the right direction and, in particular, in the right mood, because, as Larry Ellison, the eighth richest man in the world who was abandoned by his mother when he was only nine months old, says:“From when I was a little boy in school they told me that success is the result only of talent, desire and effort.That when it doesn’t arrive this means that there was either a lack talent, or desire or effort.However, failure can occur even if there is enough talent, desire and effort, but there’s a lack of a conviction that the goal makes sense for us, that we’ll achieve it regardless of the number of defeats.”
Do you want to try?Is your dream worth it?Get ready for seven difficult questions.Let’s start.
1. What do you want most of all in life?
Don’t call it your goal yet.Call it your dream.And forget modesty.
A dream is SOMETHING that fulfils us, that gives colour to our life.
It doesn’t have to be a life-long goal, it can be a step along the way, a banal waystation for some.Somebody wants to fit in their trousers, another to lose the fear of public speaking, yet another to make an approach to a potential opposite number in the building where they work.For others these are small things, but in reality they influence our self-confidence when overcoming other obstacles.A person grows on the details.
Write it down.But not higgledy-piggledy.Remember that if you don’t clearly define what your dream is, you’ll never achieve it.If you don’t know where to go, you’ll never arrive.
So, I repeat:Right now, what do you want most of all?
2. What will you sacrifice for your dream?
The answer to the question is part of understanding the point you start from.This is because it does not define the general situation you are in, it primarily defines you.
I’ve already explained this in FCmagazine.You need to learn as much as possible about yourself.About who you are now.Because, whether you like it or not, one of the most important life principles is: At every moment you get not what you want, but what you need. In fact, I would go even further: At every moment you get not what you want, but what you deserve.
Cruel, right?But life isn’t a care home.It’s a huge supermarket.You can wish for anything, but you have to pay for it.In this way life teaches you to recognise the difference between value and price.The value is what you get.The price is what you pay for the value.
Everything that has value for you costs something.What you don’t have to try for, what is obvious, boring, free of value—you stop holding in high regard.For example: health, when you have it.Therefore, whenever life wants you to hold something in high regard, it takes it away from you.Only then will you make an effort to get it back.This is how value obtains its price.The health that you get back then finally stops being a matter of course for you.
So that what you want obtains its price, you have to pay for it.This is how it obtains value.Your price will be effort, energy, time and pain.If you don’t want to pay it, forget the value.
So, I repeat:Is what you call your goal really that important for you?How high a value does it have for you?This expresses the size of your dream.
3. Does what you are doing now move you closer to or further away from your goal?
- You overeat.So, damn it, why do you not fit into your trousers?
- You don’t learn vocabulary.So, damn it, why can’t you learn that foreign language?
- You don’t dare to ask.So, damn it, why do you still not know the phone number of the person you are interested in?
Are you amused by this?Does it seem evident to you that if you’re doing the content of the first sentence you can never achieve the goal in the second sentence?Despite this, there are lots of people that are surprised that they don’t get different results when they do the same actions.
Don’t expect your situation to improve if you don’t make an effort towards improvement.You can’t live an active life with passive thinking.
Remember:life doesn’t give you what you want, but what you deserve.Because that’s what you need.For what?
4. What do you need most of all for your next shift towards the goal?
I can specify this question even more:What do you need to do more of, and what do you need to do less?
Whenever you get further away from your dream or your goal, life punishes you.You feel awful, it can be unbearable.You can’t imagine that you won’t have what is important to you—that there is no point to your life.
This is evidently the most important life tool.Even if you berate life for it, all you have to do is understand life.Imagine that you’re in its place.That you need to wake up a sleeping person.The more soundly we are asleep, the stronger the wake-up call must be.Yes, life sometimes needs to shake you really hard, until you finally wake up.
Then you dust yourself off and remember where you are.Sometimes you find that you’re at the bottom.The more unbearable the feeling is, the more likely you’ll refuse to go on with it.You want a change.A positive change.You’ll do anything just to improve the feeling.And that’s the point.
That’s why it gives you not what you want, but what you need.That’s why it gives you a slap, why it knocks you down. That’s why it takes something from you that has lost its value for you.It wants you to finally start thinking WHAT is really the RIGHT THING to do.
Not to ask people that hurt you to come back, but, on the contrary, to run in the direction of people that will not hurt you.
Not to humiliate you, but to work on increasing your value.
Not to suffer for those that don’t suffer for you, but to start to give energy to those that will return it to you in spades.And this is because they usually know what value energy has—because in the past they have also experienced what it’s like to invest energy pointlessly.
What’s the key question that people hate most of all?Are you ready?Then move on to the third page.
5. What are you pretending that you don’t know or don’t see?
The truth is not always beautiful, the same as beauty is not always truthful.Sometimes you prefer a lie, because it’s more comfortable than a truth that would hurt.It is therefore always better to have an end with pain, rather than pain without end.
A hamster is not always faster than a snail.If you put a hamster in a wheel, it will run itself almost to death, without moving a centimetre all day.Think about it.
In life it’s not important how fast you go, but whether you’re going in the right direction.All a hamster has to do is open his eyes in order to understand.To see a snail that has managed to crawl out of its cage.The snail isn’t bothered that it’s going slowly because it’s still moving faster than a hamster in a wheel.
Most unsuccessful people believe that they can’t live differently to how they are currently living.That’s a lie.If they opened their eyes, they would see.But they’re afraid to open them.They refuse to do it.They don’t want the truth—they’re afraid that they would then regret how they had lived their life until then.
But how they used to live is the past.A time that no longer exists.Life is now, plus that which is to come.It’s worth opening your eyes.In doing this you’ll influence a lot of what awaits you.
6. What brake is holding you back?
Yes, maybe you have made mistakes in your life until now.So what?A person isn’t defined by the fact that they make mistakes, because everybody makes mistakes.What makes a person different is how they approach their mistakes.
Primarily, whether they’re able to realise and admit their mistakes.
Then whether they’re willing to erase the mistakes.
In the end, whether they’re determined to learn.
Unsuccessful people scrape by without success not because they’re not capable of success, but because they’re frightened to open their eyes and admit their mistakes.The stupidest people think that they don’t make any mistakes.But mistakes are a basic common characteristic of humanity.Thanks to this, a person has the possibility, at every moment, to improve something about themselves and grow.
Not everybody can do it.But only because not everybody wants to.What about you?”
7. How many of your ideas do you actually transform into attempts to realise them?
I had lots of crazy dreams.For example, I dreamt that I would become a reporter, even though I was 17 and studying at grammar school.But I went to an editorial office, showed them what I could do, and you know what? They hired me.In the same way, I always had a dream that I would work in television, despite being only 22 years old and having no experience in television.But I went to the most popular television station, showed what I could do, and you know what? They hired me.In the same way, it once occurred to me to approach a wonderful girl, even though I’m a boring, ugly person and didn’t have much chance of success.But I approached her and she became my wife.
Until we try, our victories and defeats exist only in our head.Although we think that our reality is influenced by somebody else, the truth is that God knows why he stored the secret deep inside us.So that we can find it when the time is right.What is behind the secret?That we can transform every moment into success.But it is down to us.We have the opportunity to try, learn and improve.Nobody else will do it for us.And that’s good.
Because success is up to us.And failure says:“You messed it up, but when you have the opportunity to mess something up, you have the opportunity not to mess it up next time.”
So… will you give up your dream?