I enjoy investing in stock. I try to be patient, but also not waste time unnecessarily on stock that doesn’t have perspective. Do you feel the same way about finding a new partner?
When people ask me, “How can you tell which is the right stock, which stock will grow in value?” this people are probably interested in:
- Learning how to recognise the right partner, who is worth the investment of time and energy
- Discovering how to quickly identify whether they are wasting their time getting to know someone
- Finding out how they can listen to reason, when emotion is silent
In my book “250 Laws of Love” I also discuss why we sometimes believe we keep meeting the same type of people. Yes, this is just a false feeling. Every person is different. However, thought patterns, and possibly behaviour, can be predicted in people. Those who have read my Advisorywill know how these thought patterns and possibly also specific behaviours can develop (even dangerously) in subsequent relationships.
For this reason, I will describe the basic time bombs, or indicators, which should not be overlooked during a first date. Don’t console yourself that they are not fatal and will not explode. The later this happens, the more time we waste with this person – and the more difficult a situation we find ourselves in when considering breaking up.
1st signal: They are in a hurry to reach the finish line
Master craftsmen know that rushing will make the result worse. It is too easy to destroy a work in progress. It is ineffective to rush when getting to know someone. There is nowhere to rush to. Everything will come at the right time. Flowers will bloom and human pregnancy will progress, just like a meaningful relationship.
Bu there are some people who are so obsessed with making a quick profit and reaching the finish line as soon as possible that they forget about the essence of the journey. They want a trophy, but then they simply throw their prey on the ground. That is the difference between hunters and farmers, and partners seeking a short or a long-term relationship.
A wise person can be characterised by two important traits – on the one hand patience, when they don’t yet have what they want, and on the other hand humility, when they have what they wanted. A good workhorse gains pleasure not from the goal, but from the journey that leads to this goal. Such a person has the energy for a long journey and does not become nervous when the goal is still not in sight.
So, be cautious when the other person tries to rush things. Find out whether they are capable of being grateful for what they have. Whether they consider a relationship a journey, or if a one night stand is their goal. Whether they enjoy the journey and the planning and take pleasure from travelling towards the next horizon. And then, after that, discovering that you still have somewhere to travel together – towards the next horizon. Because the world is round – so you can never reach the end. This is why a good relationship doesn’t need a happy ending, because the best relationships have no ending.
If simply spending time with us is rewarding and fulfilling for this person then they can have good energy every day, not just WHEN they get what they have been trying to convince you to give them. However, if they do not consider us the journey now, then they will never see us as the journey. If we are not their journey, we will never be their goal.
2nd signal: They don’t deal with their issues
They are lacking something and blame others for this. They expect that this person will make things right. They rely on change. They are looking for a strong partner, who will carry them, because they don’t want to walk themself. They function in victim mode.
They may not be a bad person, but they are certainly not a good partner. Everyone has problems, but they shouldn’t look for someone else to resolve the problems for them, but rather someone by whose side they will have enough energy to deal with them themselves.
Everyone is capable of dealing with their problems on their own. It is the only way to obtain experience and increase your confidence, because you realise that you are capable. Your partner can support you, be your guide and lend you their ear. Being there for someone who is losing faith in themselves, their hope, and courage, is good.
However, if a person is empty, we cannot fill them with anything. Negativity is not caused by something external. Negativity is a personal attitude. Negativity is a negative energy. If someone is full of such energy, you cannot stuff positive energy into them. First of all they must let go of the negative energy, then find inspiration in order to revaluate their attitude and accept personal responsibility for their problems and situations.
Such people are also capable of giving us their support at a later date. Their example and their motivation make us believe that we can also manage to overcome our negativity
Negativity is like a bad smell. It spreads. It may even affect you if you remain by the side of a negative person.
3rd signal: They play with your trust
Relationships are not possible without trust and trust is not possible without open communication. If you feel doubt on your first date because you aren’t communicating enough, then this is a great big flashing warning sign.
You write to them and they don’t respond. You call and they don’t pick up or call back. When they are with you they are secretive. You are always the one to take the first step.
You have no idea what the situation is. They are enjoying themself more and more, while you are suffering more and more. Why do they do this? You agonise over this and feel something weird – more and more dependent on them.
It’s a simple strategy for creating a one-sided relationship. One partner will continue to wait, invest, and love. The other partner will procrastinate, take, and harm. The first partner will feel that you belong together because you are the perfect couple – yes, you “complement” each other “perfectly”. But if you remember magnets, there are two types. The first type repel each other, the second type draw each other together. The first two don’t belong together, the second two do.
In my book I warn that where there is doubt, trust is lost and communication fades. A relationship without communication is like a mobile telephone without a signal – you cannot use it to call anyone. What is a telephone like that good for? Maybe for playing games on. So be careful you don’t become a puppet in someone’s game, like many of the people asking for advice in my Advisory. We suddenly feel like someone has wrapped us in their threads and that we are no longer doing what we want, but what the other person needs us to do…
What fatally important things can we recognise on our first meeting?
Please, continue to the 2nd page